Hey Beautiful Soul, 

 

If you’re reading this, it’s likely you’re carrying a heavy weight, one that’s impossible to describe in simple words. Maybe you’ve lost a pregnancy recently, or perhaps it was some time ago, but the pain still lingers. I want to start by saying something that you might need to hear: It’s not your fault. I know that’s easy to say and harder to believe, but it’s the truth. 

 

When a woman experiences a miscarriage, one of the most painful emotions that can follow is guilt. We wonder if something we did—or didn’t do—caused it. We question our bodies, our decisions, our very worth. And yet, there’s no need to carry that burden alone. You’re not alone. Let’s walk through this together, and maybe by the end, that weight will feel just a little lighter. 

 

Why Do Women Feel Guilty? 

You’re not imagining things. Guilt after miscarriage is extremely common. In fact, around 20% of women who lose a pregnancy feel persistent guilt or self-blame, even though miscarriage is often due to chromosomal abnormalities beyond anyone’s control. Our society tends to put so much responsibility on women’s bodies that we often feel like our bodies are to blame when things don’t go as expected. 

 

It doesn’t help that pregnancy is treated as something that should be controlled—through healthy eating, exercise, and avoiding “harmful” things like stress or caffeine. But here’s the fact you don’t hear enough: most miscarriages are not preventable, no matter how perfectly you care for yourself. It’s biology, not failure. 

 

Overcoming Guilt: 3 Unique Approaches to Healing 

I know that overcoming guilt isn’t easy, but there are some ways to reframe your mindset and begin the process of self-compassion. Here are three approaches that you may not have come across before: 

 

1. Visualize Your Inner Child

When you feel guilt creeping in, it can help to connect with the part of yourself that’s hurting the most—your inner child. Imagine her as a little girl, fragile and unsure. Would you blame her for something outside of her control? No. You’d comfort her, wrap her in your arms, and tell her that she did nothing wrong. Try to offer that same kindness to yourself. 

 

One way to practice this is to actually sit down and write a letter to your younger self. Let her know that it’s okay, that she did her best, and that she is still whole, despite the loss. 

 

2. Redefine What Strength Looks Like

There’s a common misconception that “strong women” move past loss quickly or that grief should be a quiet process. But real strength doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings—it means allowing yourself to feel them fully. Guilt has a sneaky way of convincing us that we are weak for feeling sad, but in truth, strength comes from accepting and sitting with those emotions, not avoiding them. 

 

Instead of seeing grief and guilt as something to “get over,” try to embrace them as part of your experience, without judgment. Give yourself permission to be human, vulnerable, and soft. 

 

3. Connect with Women Who’ve Been There—But Through Storytelling, Not Support Groups

You’ve probably heard of joining support groups, but maybe the thought of sitting in a circle and sharing your loss feels overwhelming. There’s another, more subtle way to find healing: by connecting with other women’s stories. Whether it’s reading a memoir or listening to a podcast where women share their experiences with miscarriage, hearing the words of others can validate your own feelings without the pressure to share your story publicly. 

 

Books like “The Brink of Being” by Julia Bueno or podcasts like “The Longest Shortest Time” offer intimate glimpses into the emotional landscape of miscarriage and might remind you that you’re not alone, even if you prefer to grieve privately. 

 

Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve 

One of the hardest parts of miscarriage is that it can feel like an “invisible” loss. People don’t always acknowledge it, and society doesn’t give much space for women to grieve a life that was never fully lived. But your loss is valid. It’s okay to grieve, whether you were six weeks along or six months. 

 

Grieving can take many forms. For some women, it’s about creating small rituals, like lighting a candle or planting a tree in honour of the life that was lost. For others, it’s about talking to a therapist who specialises in pregnancy loss. Whatever it looks like for you, give yourself permission to feel the depth of that loss. 

 

You Deserve to Heal 

Lastly, I want to leave you with this: you deserve to heal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel sad again. But it does mean that you can give yourself grace, step by step, day by day. You’re worthy of joy, love, and the future that still lies ahead of you. 

 

Remember, it’s not your fault. Your body did not betray you. You are still whole, still powerful, still worthy of love. 

 

With love and compassion, 

A Fellow Sister 

 

If you or somebody you know is struggling to deal with loss and needs to get in touch with a therapist, consider reaching our Support and Engage verticals for affordable and inclusive help!    

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