Writing this article about why men rape takes a nuanced approach that delves into psychology, societal norms, and underlying systemic issues. It’s essential to emphasize that rape is never about sexual desire but about power, control, and dominance, irrespective of the cultural context.  
 
Picture this: a society where men hold more power than women in every aspect - socially, politically, economically. It's not hard to imagine, is it? That’s because it isn’t a story.  

It’s a reality that has been shaped over centuries, where rape, more than a heinous crime, becomes an assertion of power, a reminder of male dominance. 

The question of why men rape is uncomfortable, but it is a conversation that needs to be had. For starters, rape is not about sexual gratification. It is about domination, dehumanisation, and exerting control over another. It cuts across cultures, classes, and geographies, but the motivations often boil down to the same disturbing patterns of power dynamics, toxic masculinity, and societal conditioning. 

About patriarchy 

In many cultures, men are raised with the belief that they are entitled to power and authority, both in public and private spheres. Boys are taught that they are inherently stronger, that they deserve leadership roles, that they hold the privilege. Setting the stage early on, patriarchy teaches boys and men that they must dominate, be aggressive, and never show weakness. 

This deeply ingrained toxic masculinity - the notion that men must be strong, invulnerable, and always in control fuels much of the violence we see today. Like for example, men are taught that men should not cry. In societies where men are conditioned to suppress emotions and vulnerability, aggression often becomes the only acceptable outlet. When these men face feelings of powerlessness or frustration, they sometimes resort to sexual violence as a means to reassert control, both physically and emotionally.  

When those emotions have nowhere to go, they manifest in rape and sexual abuse and harassment - everywhere. It happens in workplaces, in homes, and on streets. Men use rape as a tool to dominate, to remind themselves and others that they are still powerful, despite their personal failings.  

Objectification of Women 

Another significant factor is the objectification of women. Across cultures, media portrayals often reduce women to their physical attributes, reinforcing the idea that women exist for male pleasure. Whether it’s through advertisements, movies, or even casual conversation, women’s bodies are often commodified, with little regard for their autonomy. 

Have you or anyone you know catcalled you on the road? The answer is probably a 100% year. The men who harass feel entitled to comment on women’s bodies as if they exist solely for their amusement. This objectification lays the groundwork for more violent behaviors. When a society constantly sends messages that women’s bodies are up for grabs - either through media, cultural norms, or even outdated legal systems - it becomes easier for men to believe that they can act on these beliefs without consequence. 

When men see women as objects rather than individuals, they dehumanise them. This dehumanisation makes it easier to commit acts of violence like rape, as the perpetrator no longer sees the victim as a person with feelings and autonomy.  

Sexual Repression 

In many societies, especially those that are conservative, sex is a taboo subject. There is little to no conversation about healthy sexual relationships, boundaries, or consent. Instead, sexual desire is repressed and kept hidden. Sexual repression, when paired with a lack of education, often leads to distorted ideas about sexuality, where boundaries blur, and coercive behavior is mistaken for "normal”. 

For example, in India and many other cultures, talking about sex openly is frowned upon. Many young men grow up in environments where they receive little to no sexual education, leaving them to learn from distorted media portrayals or peer groups. This creates a dangerous mix of ignorance and curiosity. Without understanding the importance of consent, these men may feel entitled to act on their sexual impulses in harmful ways.  

In some cases, sexual repression also creates a sense of frustration. Men may feel that they are being denied their “right” to sexual satisfaction, which can lead to aggression. In this context, rape becomes a way to release that pent-up frustration. 

Power and Entitlement 

One of the most pervasive reasons men rape is the desire for power. Whether it’s to control a woman’s body or to assert dominance over someone perceived as weaker, rape is a way for men to feel powerful. It’s not about the sexual act itself; it’s about controlling another person’s body and mind. 

In certain parts of the world, rape is even used as a weapon of war. During conflicts, soldiers use rape to terrorise and humiliate enemy populations. The systematic rape of women in places like Rwanda during the genocide or in Bosnia during the war is a horrifying reminder of how sexual violence is weaponised to assert control over entire communities. 

Even in non-conflict settings, men rape to assert power in more subtle ways. Marital rape, for example, is a tool some men use to remind their wives of their authority. They believe that by being married, they are entitled to their wife’s body, ignoring the fact that marriage does not negate a woman’s right to consent. 

A Culture of Impunity 

Another critical factor is the lack of accountability for men who commit rape. In many cases, men who rape are not brought to justice. Whether it’s due to weak legal systems, victim-blaming, or societal pressure to remain silent, rapists often face little to no consequence for their actions.  

In countries where the legal system is slow to act, or where victims are stigmatised for coming forward, the message is clear: men can get away with rape. This sense of impunity emboldens men to continue their behaviour, knowing that they are unlikely to face serious repercussions. 

Survivors of rape are often the ones who face social backlash, while the men who commit these acts are shielded by their families, communities, and sometimes even the legal system. Until this changes, the cycle of violence will continue.  

Psychological and Emotional Factors 

While societal factors play a significant role, it’s important to also consider the psychological aspects that can drive men to commit rape. Some men may have experienced trauma themselves, such as childhood abuse or exposure to violence, which can distort their understanding of relationships and sexuality. Others may suffer from mental health issues that impair their ability to form healthy, consensual relationships​

Furthermore, certain individuals may resort to rape as a way of exerting control when they feel powerless in other aspects of their lives. For these men, the act of rape is not about sexual gratification, but about reclaiming a sense of power and dominance that they feel has been taken from them. 

How Do We Move Forward? 

The solution is not simple, but it begins with education. We need to teach boys from an early age about consent, boundaries, and respect for women. We need to break the silence around sex and encourage open conversations about healthy sexual relationships. And we need to hold men accountable for their actions, ensuring that the legal system works in favour of survivors rather than perpetrators. 

At iDare, we believe in creating a world where no one has to live in fear. Our platform offers legal support, therapy, and community resources to help survivors heal and rebuild their lives. But it’s going to take a collective effort from society, governments, and individuals to truly change the culture around rape. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of sexual violence, don’t hesitate to reach out to iDare’s Support and Legal verticals for affordable, inclusive care. We’re here for you.  

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