The word Personality derives itself from the Greek word “persona”.

A mask used by an actor in a drama.

This raises the question, how many of us feel compelled to wear different personas as we go through our daily lives?

In our struggle to meet Expectations. Our own and others’.

While being in the company of friends. In finding a partner. On social media. In one’s career. At the work place.

All this while we strive to find our unique voice; a voice that feels authentically our own, in a sea of opinions.

The conflict that ensues within, in the process, perhaps leaves one wondering, do I really know myself at all?

As a Therapist, I hope to share insights in this article that can be helpful in addressing the stress and pressure that we often endure in our struggle to manage expectations.

In our personal, professional and social lives.

Self-Identity: The Birthplace of Voice

It can help to spend some time to have the fundamentals in place.

Who Am I? What Am I about? My values. Beliefs. Perceptions. Opinions.

Reconnecting with what constitutes your authentic self can help to bring clarity to your actual needs, values, and goals.

This can help you make choices and decisions that are in real alignment with who you truly are.

On the flip side, being unaware of this can lead to feeling forced to comply with others’ demands, leaving you feeling helpless and dissatisfied.

Acting Out of Fear Vs Acting Out of Agency

Some of us may feel compelled to go along with others’ choices based on the fear of repercussions. Of disagreeing with others. Of perhaps having to take to a lonesome path by opting to stand for something that’s not popular.

A feeling of learned helplessness tends to gradually build up as you repeatedly drown or disconnect from your own voice in service of trying to ‘fit in’.

Fear perpetuates this loop and keeps it in place.

Here is something that you may consider reflecting on, that can help you break the pattern:

• Are there expectations, values, standards that I have internalized from others believing they are my own?
• What is the outcome that might arise if I follow my unique voice; an outcome that I fear the most? Is there a way I can prepare to face this outcome?
• How differently would I behave/act if I knew my choice was valid and precious and deserved attention?

Will I ‘make it’? Chronic Stress & Anxiety

Will I ever find a partner who is right for me? Will my career be fulfilling to the level of my expectations? Can my financial concerns ever be resolved?

Goals and expectations lend zeal and a sense of direction to channelize your efforts.

Yet, when commitment becomes an obsession, and comparison trips become the norm, stress and anxiety spiral beyond the optimal, bogging you down eventually.

And the price you pay is the silent damage caused to your health and wellbeing.

Checking the following can help you sustain a healthy focus on your goals while being mindful of health hazards:

• Is stress and anxiety interfering with my day-to-day functioning, affecting the overall quality of my life?
• Am I being able to give my best to the present while staying committed to my goals?
• Can I seek help and support when the going gets tough?

The Only Constant: Embracing Change

It can be helpful to recognize that your expectations and goals can shift and change as you evolve with experience; with time.

Being aware of this can help you be mindful of shifts as they happen in your perceptions, beliefs, values, and attitudes.

And be less rigid about the nature of your expectations and the way you expect them to be met particularly when things don’t go according to plan.

Consider reflecting on the following:

• Can I be open to opportunities that allow me to see things from a different perspective? Finance; career; relationships; my relationship with work; success
• Are there values that are redundant and no longer serve me enough?
• How can I realign myself to changes as they happen in my goals, perceptions, attitudes?
• What mindset can I adopt so I can thrive while being a work-in-progress?

 

Let me conclude with this:

Our expectations and goals add meaning to our lives

As we relentlessly strive to set expectations; manage expectations; identify goals

and commit ourselves wholeheartedly to the pursuit of our goals

Perhaps we could also consider being open and receiving

to the possibilities that each new moment brings!

Cheers, mate!

You got this.

If you or somebody you know is struggling to meet societal expectation, consider reaching our ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive help! 

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