Thanks to the recent ‘Moye Moye’ IG trend, I came across a reel of an Indian wedding ceremony, called ‘varmala.’ It was a beautiful moment for the couple until their friends decided to make this video a trending one. They screamed in chorus, “Moye, Moye!” Although the groom looked slightly embarrassed, the bride looked visibly upset. More than the video, the comments prompted me to write this article.

 

Some people commented that there’s no reason for the bride to react like that and she needs to learn how to take a joke. Some debated that the friends ruined the bride’s day just to make a trending reel.

While it was clearly meant as a joke, I believe it wasn’t just a joke. Even though making fun of the groom for losing his freedom and space is fairly common. While seemingly harmless, this humor hinges on a distorted reality, one deeply rooted in patriarchal norms. Don’t you think it’s funny how it’s the woman who leaves her home, her family, changes her surname, and what not but it’s the man who loses his independence?

 

This "loss of freedom" narrative not only minimizes women's sacrifices but also normalizes their subordinate role. It silences discussions about gender imbalance and upholds the myth of the "trapped husband," conveniently forgetting the woman's quiet surrender.

Unpacking Hidden Patriarchy

Beneath all the bling of Indian weddings, whispers of hidden baggage linger in some wedding traditions. Take the Bengali groom promising his mom a maid before the wedding. Or the "Kashi Yatra" in Kannada’s or Tamil Brahmin’s, where the groom symbolically runs away, leaving the bride's father to beg him back. 

 

These seemingly harmless moments paint a lopsided picture. The woman being burdened with new responsibilities, and the man shedding his old ones. Not exactly the foundation for a partnership of equals, is it?

 

Then there's the Assamese custom of the bride touching the groom's feet, or the controversial "Kanyadan" ritual where the father "donates" his daughter like a prized possession. The very word "daan" screams objectification!

 

But why does this narrative about the groom's freedom vanishing dominate wedding humor, overlooking the sacrifices women make? Well, society often paints men as independent breadwinners who are "giving up" some of their freedom for the sake of family. Meanwhile, women's career adjustments, family pressures, and societal expectations are often seen as just a natural part of marriage.

 

Jokes about men losing their freedom can also be a way to laugh off the anxieties and uncertainties that come with such a major life change. It's easier to poke fun at the groom's supposed loss of control than to talk about the deeper changes and challenges both partners face.

 

But here's the thing: both men and women experience changes and limitations in marriage, and both deserve understanding and empathy. Focusing solely on men's freedom ignores the complex realities and sacrifices women make, and it can perpetuate sexist stereotypes.

 

Can Traditions Evolve?

But where there are whispers, there's rebellion. Many couples are rewriting the script, choosing rituals that connect with their shared values. Ditching the "male priest only" rule and opting for gender-neutral officiants? Done! Reimagining Kanyadan with blessings that celebrate partnership instead of submission? Absolutely!

 

This isn't about erasing every tradition or forcing uniformity. It's about open conversations, questioning inherited narratives, and choosing what feels right. Remember Sati, once an "age-old tradition?" People spoke up, and now it's gone. Wedding practices can evolve too!

 

Look at the Northeast, communities where matrilineal societies offer a different paradigm. Witness husbands leaving their homes to join their wives and their families. Change doesn't need a superhero cape. It starts with quiet conversations, gently nudging traditions towards inclusivity. If something feels distasteful, speak up! Talk to your partner, your family, and your community. Every nudge, every open discussion, paves the way for weddings that sing love's anthem, not inequality's.

 

Happily Ever After, Redefined

Let's ditch the facade and create ceremonies that brim with authenticity, respect, and a shared vision of the future. Laughter should echo from joy, not jokes rooted in outdated, offensive narratives. By shining a light on these whispers and accepting mindful change, we can transform Indian weddings from perpetuating inequality into celebrating a beautiful equality of partnership, equality, and love.

 

Remember, this is your journey, your wedding. You don't have to be Joan of Arc to challenge a tradition that feels wrong. Start small, talk it out, and together, we can craft ceremonies that truly reflect our modern love stories, one whisper at a time.

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