January was National Stalking Awareness Month, and while it's great that we're shining a light on something so important, let's clear up a common misconception: stalking doesn't always look like what we see in movies. It's not just shadowy figures lurking in the dark or intense, obsessive letters. Sometimes, it's as subtle as a notification on your phone—an unwanted friend request from someone who just won't quit.

 

A Personal Story of Digital Persistence

 

Let me tell you a story. One of my ex-boyfriends, who I dated for a grand total of six months about 8-9 years ago, has made it his mission to stay relevant in my life. Over the past year, he's sent friend requests to my fiancé and me at least 10-11 times each. Not just that, he's added every single family member of mine on Facebook and Instagram. Oh, and his current partner has also joined in. Her requests have popped up too. Is this a tag-team effort? A bizarre hobby? Whatever it is, it's unsettling.

 

Now, is this extreme? No. But it's still stalking. He knows we've declined his requests, but he keeps trying. And here's the thing: when someone repeatedly invades your space—whether it's physical or digital—it's not cute. It's not harmless. It's a problem.

 

The Bollywood Effect

 

But let me rewind to a time when I didn't recognize stalking for what it was. I was in 12th grade, and there was this guy who claimed to like me. He followed me home from college almost every day. Thanks to Bollywood, I thought it was flattering. After all, "If he's putting in the effort, it must mean he really cares," right? Wrong.

Things escalated quickly. He found my phone number (I still don't know how) and started calling me. At first, it was to "chat," but then he began telling me things like, "Someone entered your house today." He'd describe my parents and sister in detail. He even sent me pictures of them going about their day. That's when I stopped finding it "sweet" and realized I was terrified. My parents eventually got involved and confronted his family, but it took that level of intervention to make it stop.

 

The Quiet Persistence of Stalkers

 

These stories aren't isolated incidents. According to a 2019 report by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1 in 6 women in the U.S. has experienced stalking at some point in their lives. Closer to home, the National Crime Records Bureau in India reported over 9,300 cases of stalking in 2022 alone. And that's just the reported cases. Many women don't even realize they're being stalked until it's too late—especially when the behaviour is subtle.

 

Repeated friend requests, unsolicited messages, "running into you" at your favourite coffee shop—these might seem harmless on their own. But when you connect the dots, it's a pattern of behaviour designed to monitor, control, or intimidate. That's stalking, plain and simple.

 

Why Don't We Talk About It More?

 

One reason subtle stalking often goes unaddressed is that we're conditioned to brush it off. "He's just being friendly," or "Maybe it's a coincidence," we tell ourselves. And let's not forget the romanticization of persistence in media. Movies and shows love to blur the lines between romance and harassment. If the hero follows the heroine home and waits outside her house, it's portrayed as devotion, not intrusion.

 

This narrative needs to change. Persistence isn't romantic when it makes someone uncomfortable. It's harassment.

 

The Real Impact

 

Stalking—even the subtle kind—takes a toll. It's not just about feeling annoyed or inconvenienced. It's about the constant invasion of your space and the anxiety that comes with it. Victims often report feeling unsafe, anxious, and even depressed. Over time, it chips away at your peace of mind and leaves you constantly looking over your shoulder.

 

What Can You Do?

 

If you're dealing with a similar situation, here are a few steps to take:

 

Document Everything: Keep screenshots of messages and a record of every unwanted interaction. This can be invaluable if you need to involve authorities. Set Boundaries: If it's safe to do so, tell the person to stop contacting you. Be clear and firm. Inform Others: Let your friends, family, and even your workplace know what's happening. The more people who are aware, the better. Seek Help: Reach out to local authorities or organizations that specialize in handling stalking and harassment. Don't wait for the behaviour to escalate.

 

Conclusion

 

To anyone who's been stalked, whether subtly or overtly: I see you. It's easy to feel like you're overreacting or to second-guess yourself, but your discomfort is valid. You don't owe anyone access to your life, and you have every right to protect your boundaries.

 

Stalking—in any form—is not okay. So, the next time someone tells you they've been receiving "harmless" requests or being followed "as a joke," don't brush it off. Listen. Support them. And remind them: it's not harmless if it's unwelcome.

 

If you or somebody you know is being stalked and needs to get in touch with an expert, consider reaching our Support and Engage verticals for affordable and inclusive help!

 

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Image Credits: Unsplash