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Understanding Abuse: Breaking Free from Harmful Patterns
Abuse — a word that carries different meanings and connotations for each of us.
At homes. In office spaces. In the world of social media. And everywhere in between.
Experiences of violations of respect, dignity, consent, and freedom. Acts that intentionally cause harm or injury.
In this article, I invite you to explore insights on what often keeps us stuck in harmful patterns—and how we can find our way out and through.
Is This Really Happening?
There are moments when you face violations of the trust you place in your loved ones. When you are not seen or heard and your needs are constantly brushed aside. When there are violations of personal space and your freedom to make your own choices—choices of being and doing.
When acts of harm and violence happen toward you—physical, verbal, psychological—and when you finally summon the courage to express how you feel, you are labeled ‘difficult,’ ‘demanding,’ or ‘ungrateful.’
This can happen with a caregiver, parent, colleague, friend, spouse, or partner. Yet, when these experiences hit hard again and again, you may start questioning yourself:
Am I imagining this? Is my memory tricking me? Am I exaggerating what could have been unintentional? Shouldn’t I focus on the perks I get from time to time?
Why Is It Important to Recognize Abuse?
You can only change what you acknowledge.
In daily struggles to keep ourselves afloat, our thoughts and feelings can often feel like a jumbled mess. Maybe you don’t have the luxury of time or space to pause and take notice. Or maybe you don’t want to face what might be revealed—and what it might compel you to do next.
The price we pay is a silent toll on our mental health, self-perception, and worldview. Chains we wind ourselves in—fearful there’s no way out.
The worst is the belief that slowly forms—that this is what I truly deserve; that I am flawed and must accept what is flawed; that I cannot dare venture out alone because failure is certain. So, I’ll make peace with the best deal I’ve got for who I am.
What Keeps the Patterns in Place?
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Fear of repercussions for raising your voice against your own kith and kin.
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Fear of being ostracized from your community.
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Self-doubt and questioning your worth as an individual.
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Feelings of shame and remorse about past actions you regret.
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Fear of being left alone.
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Fear of being labeled a failure.
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Fear of failing.
And moments of peace and stability in between that compel us to stay, hoping things will eventually be resolved.
Steps Ahead: Finding Your Way Out
Awareness is the first step. Recognize and validate your feelings of distress. This can be the hardest part because it can raise fears and feelings that feel overwhelming.
Take some time to look at what has been causing distress lately. For some, this includes memories that haunt you as flashbacks, nightmares, or frightening thoughts.
Here are a few insights that can help:
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Yes, acknowledging these experiences can feel intensely scary—especially because your mind may dwell on worst-case scenarios.
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Know you are not alone in facing your struggles. Trustworthy and reliable resources are within your reach.
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As you reach out for help and take baby steps forward, feelings and situations that once seemed unmanageable can slowly give way to solutions and new beginnings.
A Message of Hope
When the time comes that you cannot bear it any longer—know that you have done enough.
Know that you don’t have to bear this alone.
Your feelings are valid. Your fears are valid.
Perhaps it’s time to pay attention to your tears and cries in the dark.
Reach out for help that’s right there within your reach.
Soon, you’ll discover that what once felt like an end is actually giving way to a new beginning—a future where dreams can come true.
Cheers, mate! You got this.
If you or someone you know is going through any form of abuse, remember: you’re not alone. iDare offers affordable and inclusive support. Reach out to our "Support" and "Engage" verticals and take the first step toward a healthier, happier you. ❤️
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