I grew up on Friends, How I Met Your Mother, and The Big Bang Theory, believing that dating was as simple as meeting people, going out, and figuring out what worked. No unnecessary drama, no existential crises—just the usual mix of good dates, bad dates, and some self-discovery.

 

But then I started dating in India. And reality hit me like a truck.

 

Because here, dating isn’t just about finding someone you like. It’s a high-stakes social minefield where you can be labeled, judged, and sometimes even harassed—all for daring to participate in something as basic as getting to know another human being.

 

Dating in a Small Town: The Mother-in-Law You Didn’t Sign Up For

I come from a small town, so honestly, I expected some drama. What I didn’t expect was the absolute chaos that followed my first breakup.

 

I started dating in 9th grade, and like most high school relationships, it lasted a grand total of three to four months. No big deal, right? Wrong. The moment we broke up, his mother decided to intervene.

 

Apparently, my ex was "devastated," and somehow, that was my fault. As if I had taken some lifelong vow to be with him at 14. She made my life hell—calling, complaining, acting like I had personally destroyed her son's future.

 

And it didn’t stop there. Some guys just wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had to get my sister involved to make them back off. The whole thing was exhausting. I wasn’t dating—I was dodging a social trial every time I talked to a boy.

 

At that point, I thought, maybe it’s just a small-town thing. Maybe if I moved to a big city, things would be better.

 

Plot twist: They weren’t.

 

Dating in a Big City: The Casual Chaos

When I moved to Bangalore, I expected dating to be more open-minded, more progressive. And in some ways, it was.

 

People weren’t clinging to outdated "one-boyfriend-forever" ideals. But now, there was a new problem: the complete opposite. Relationships didn’t come with expectations anymore, but neither did situationships—and those were everywhere.

 

Although I never personally experienced it, I saw the pattern—people would spend months together, doing all the things that looked and felt like a relationship, but the minute someone asked, So, what are we?—poof. Gone. Ghosted. "Oh, I never saw this as serious."

 

It was like everyone was running from commitment itself, hiding behind the term "casual" without actually communicating what they wanted.

 

In small towns, relationships felt like contracts you were forced to sign for life. In big cities, they felt like trial periods with no guarantee of permanence. Either way, women still got the short end of the stick.

 

The Double Standards Are Alive and Thriving

What’s common in both scenarios? The insane pressure on women.

 

If you date too much? "She’s easy."

If you don’t date? "She’s too picky."

If you break up with someone? "She’s heartless."

If someone breaks up with you? "She must have done something wrong."

 

You’d think people would be more open-minded by now, but the moment a woman makes her own choices, society takes it personally.

 

And it’s not just men judging. Women do it too. Why are you dating so much? Aren’t you serious about life? As if choosing to experience relationships means I don’t have ambitions.

 

Meanwhile, men? Oh, they get a free pass. "Boys will be boys." They can date around, be emotionally unavailable, disappear after three months, and still be seen as cool and independent. Women do the same, and suddenly, their "character" is up for discussion.

 

Why This Needs to Change

The problem isn’t just society being nosy. It’s how much it messes with our self-worth.

 

Women internalize these rules. They start doubting themselves—Am I doing something wrong?—instead of realizing that the real issue is how Indian society treats female autonomy as a threat.

 

Dating should be a normal part of life, not something we have to justify, defend, or survive. We should be able to meet people, figure things out, and make mistakes without it becoming a moral crisis.

India needs to grow up when it comes to dating. Relationships aren’t "scandalous." Women making their own choices aren’t "dangerous." And for the love of everything, breakups are not a national emergency.

 

So here’s the deal: If someone judges you for dating, remind them that choice isn’t a crime. Outdated thinking should be.

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