We go through this intergenerational obsession with our bodies. We run a battered and fractured race with ourselves and others to reduce our belly fat and increase our thigh gap. We cover our stretch marks to dodge unsolicited remarks. We might feel bad about the body we are in; we might already know the faults and imperfections in it before someone, usually someone known to us, comes around reiterating our insecurities and highlighting our liabilities. These casual remarks accumulate into burdensome weights we carry on our backs every day. These judgments are so normalised in our society that there is a constant pressure to look 'fit', when we should just be doing and eating whatever our heart desires. Consequently, we actively take part in fat-shaming others, as we have never known anything different. Navigating the journey of loving your body is relentless, especially when the people around you hold stop signs at every block.  

I was always aware of how other people perceived my body. Right from the time when I could compare myself to others, I knew my body was not 'normal', and people did not hesitate to point it out. Whether it was pulling my cheeks invariably or calling me nicknames like Fatty and Motu, it internalised the mere fact that people only associated me with how my body looked. Nothing beyond it mattered. Additionally, it was a consistent message that this body was something that needed to change. This led to dieting at a very young age, and when I failed at sustaining my weight loss, I was someone who had inertia and could not control himself. A period of internalising these judgements made by my family led me to believe I could never change the body I hated so much. I accepted that my identity was my abnormal body.  

A negative body image of yourself affects all aspects of your life. As I equated my identity to the type of body I had, it made me locked off to the outside world. Socialising became an impending task that made me anxious. I had a nosedive in confidence to speak up or stand out because it had been perpetually instilled in me that the more I put myself out, the more people would judge me. All I wanted was to blend in the background. This ingrained fear of rejection, judgement, and attention shaped my personality. I preferred wearing loose and baggy clothes. I would refrain from swimming as it would be another scenario where my body was exposed. I had to let go of little things that I loved doing just because of my body image. This state of mind naturally affected my relationship with my family. Who would want to be close to people who continually point out your insecurities, press on your triggers, and converse with you only about losing weight? The irony is that the new people I refrained from socialising with, would not have judged me for my body type. It was only the people that were close that made me feel that way. It felt as if I missed out on so many connections and experiences because of a scenario that would probably never happen.   

Families are the only group of people that can be completely candid with you. It is their way of showing that they care about you. Within families, fat-shaming occurs under the guise of concern. Their intention is always to help the person realise they need to lose weight to live a healthy life. Because they have good intentions, they can get away with saying harsh and triggering comments, as they want to assist you at the end of the day. However, your good intentions do not excuse your actions and justifying your actions with good intentions is excusing bigotry. Fat-shaming can never help people lose weight the right way. We develop eating disorders and purge meals, injure ourselves from over-exercising, face low self-esteem and confidence. While it may 'fix' our physical health, our mental health becomes worse. There undoubtedly needs to be ways families can take the right actions with the right intentions.  

 

Personally, it was very challenging to open up about my triggers to my family. However, once I did, they did seem to understand my struggle with my body image and how certain things they say can affect my wellbeing. Having an open conversation regarding this sensitive topic is as important as it is challenging. And it is not that they will never trigger you again. This 'tradition', practised for centuries, cannot be eradicated immediately. However, opening up does make these encounters less frequent and creates an open line of communication with your family where you feel comfortable to share more of your feelings rather than bottling them up. Fat-shaming is within the dogma of our society, and everyone will not recognise what triggers you. Therefore, one needs to be mentally healthy not to let these comments and judgements affect one's well being.   

One of the best things that came out of talking to my family was that they offered me help to get better. That's when I started seeing a counsellor. It is helping me realise what my triggers are and how to set boundaries with the people around me. I am trying to come to a place where judgments no longer affect me and learn to connect with confidence and fearlessness.  

The road to loving your body is long, and these insecurities do come up along the way, but the journey is much easier once you have directions you can follow to reach a state of contentment. This journey has already taught me that my world does not revolve around my body. My identity is much more than the shape of my body. I do want to be physically healthy. If that means eating healthy and working out, so be it. Although I want to change the way my body looks, I do not hate it. I am trying to be thankful for my body and what it does to take care of me. I want to do this to be physically healthy, not to gain validation from others.  

Also, I am trying to accept that bettering my physical health will not fundamentally improve my mental health. I need to feel self-confident irrespective of my physical state.  I don't need to downplay my successes; I need to celebrate them. I need to start loving myself for who I am. Undoubtedly, this is a challenging journey, as I need to start loving someone I've always hated and wanted to change.  

The body is one part of a complex and intertwined puzzle that is one's view of self. We are more than a number on a weighing scale; We are more than the judgements placed on us; We are more than the judgements we place on ourselves.  

 

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