Unleashing the Fantasies of My Inner Diva  
 
Writer – M. Namrata  
I was at home after work, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, when I stumbled upon a couple's reels. The aesthetic appeal of those reels, from the people to their surroundings, made me acutely aware of what I was missing in my life. I longed to resemble the elegant woman in the video, wearing a pristine white cotton sari, with kohled eyes, minimal makeup, and adorned with statement jewelry. And, of course, I yearned for a good-looking, gentle, and caring partner to accompany me. However, finding the perfect partner felt like an impossible challenge in that fleeting moment of instant gratification. 
Motivated by this desire, I rose from my seat, draped a dupatta around me, applied some makeup, and adorned myself with jewelry. As I stood before the mirror, appreciating my reflection, I imagined myself as a married woman in the future, receiving compliments from male voices that celebrated my body. In that fleeting moment, I felt truly beautiful. 
During this moment of self-admiration, I found love for my hair, even with its imperfections of dandruff and greasiness. I embraced my skin, which I believed was gradually improving. I acknowledged the beauty of my body, recognizing that it didn't need to be flawless. Posing with my dupatta draped like a saree, I envisaged the endless possibilities and joyful moments that could arise in my life after marriage. I envisioned being delicately touched by a loving partner and savored the fantasy. 
At that moment, nothing troubled me. My mental and physical well-being were perfect, and my concerns about education and career were temporarily forgotten. All that mattered was indulging in the attention I bestowed upon myself. I daydreamed about the incredible feeling of being loved just the way I had imagined. However, after spending a good 30 minutes in front of the mirror, experimenting with three different dupattas as sarees, exhaustion overtook me. 
I sank into a chair, returning to the reality of my current world where cooking wasn't a source of enjoyment but a necessity, unlike the fantasies I had reveled in just moments ago. Deep down, I knew I didn't need a man or a marriage to complete my life. I was fully aware of my ability to appreciate myself in the mirror, independent of the societal constructs surrounding marriage and partnership. However, rather than being harsh on myself, I chose to embrace the flow of emotions influenced by society's shaping of my aspirations and fantasies. I allowed myself to experience these fleeting moments of freedom and autonomy in self-love, understanding their temporary nature : )  
 
This post represents the author's personal views and experiences. iDare doesn't endorse or take responsibility for the opinions expressed.     
Being kind to yourself enables a better connection with your sexuality and personal desires. This healthy practice can contribute to improved communication with a partner. If you or somebody you know is interested in learning more about such ways, reach our executives and experts at the ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive help!   
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