In his seminal work, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, Victor Frankl, the esteemed psychiatrist and founder of logotherapy, speaks of the day he along with his fellow prisoners were released from the Nazi concentration camp.   

In describing their initial experiences of liberation, he recounts the moments they dragged themselves to the camp gates. This time no orders were shouted at them, nor was there any need to duck quickly to avoid a blow or kick. As they walked away from the camp, their legs hurting and threatening to buckle, they wanted to see the camp's surroundings for the first time with the eyes of free men. ‘Freedom’, a word they repeated to themselves, and yet they could not grasp it. Its reality did not penetrate into their consciousness.  Frankl speaks of the time they came to meadows full of flowers. They saw and realized that they were there, but they had no feelings about them. The first spark of joy came, he recalls, when they saw a rooster with a tail of multicolored feathers. But it remained only a spark. They felt they did not yet belong to this world. As if they had literally lost the ability to feel pleased and had to relearn it slowly.  

Healing. The promise that this word resounds with perhaps belies the struggle that underpins every step of this journey. Loss of a loved one. Ending of a relationship. Walking away from abuse. Letting go of a job or a career path after months of burnout. Though the starting point can look different for each of us, we stand united in the struggles that we tend to face as we pick ourselves up, yet again, to face the unknown. 

Being a Therapist, my experiences and insights gained as I traverse my own journey of healing have helped me significantly in relating to the distress and struggles of my Clients. I have known this journey to be long and arduous, where the darkest moments of despair and hopelessness have been interwoven with moments of hope, faith, newfound resilience, and strength. 

I have found the following pointers helpful in my own process of healing and recovery, as well as in Clients’ lives, as one takes initial steps resuming one’s journey, after what is often a harrowing period of intense emotional turmoil: 

Safety of the Familiar 

Change can be intensely hard and excruciating because what has been familiar feels safe and taking refuge in the familiar feels safe in the face of change. When the new surroundings that you find yourself in places demands and presents challenges, the safe place to root yourself in is the familiar. The familiar being constantly having to deal with chaos or abuse, with struggle and pain having become the norm; a way of being. Finding yourself in a position where new choices suddenly become available can be too overwhelming to handle initially, as you may feel the compulsion to embrace the opportunity fully, along with the burden of recovering from the wounds of the past. Also, the challenges that the change of circumstances bring on may invoke feelings of panic and terror reminding you that perhaps the struggle may be never-ending. 

Moments when sounds of laughter or merriment of those around you, or lyrics of a song bring up painful memories. Or the barrage of tasks that the day brings feels incredibly challenging to deal with. And emotions that come in the wake may be too difficult to handle as you may be unaccustomed to them. The challenge that awaits you as the day dawns is not having to guard yourself against pain or abuse but having to cope with change, new issues to contend with, and the compulsion to rebuild, to start all over again. All this while memories of the past bog you down, forcing you to seek refuge in the dark. This ordeal can force many of us to return to our old and familiar ways of being and responding to situations. Using coping mechanisms that remain unhealthy. To stay in relationships that not only do not serve us well but also are detrimental to our wellbeing. To seek relationships we recognize as toxic yet feel safe because they feel familiar, with change holding no promise and appearing too intimidating. 

It can be helpful to recognize that letting go of the familiar can naturally feel daunting. Making new choices, though healthier and life-enhancing, can feel alien. You will soon discover that as you stay the course for a while, the choices that seemed unfamiliar and frightening slowly and seamlessly can become integrated into your new way of being. You may become aware of new ways of relating to others that can feel more authentic and in alignment with your emerging sense of self and identity. And the insights gained as you stumble at times can serve to guide you in showing up and engaging with yourself and others to the level of your expectations. 

Motivation, the Need and the Challenge 

Initially, it might look as if life has taken on a sluggish pace, where you feel no motivation at all to even get up from bed. Constantly being caught up in the same, never-ending mesh of thoughts may perpetuate feelings of inertia and despair. We may often wait for the right kind of motivation to start doing things when in fact it is the tiniest of steps that we take initially that provides the momentum, driving the journey further forward.  

Every step matters. There can be days when distress heightens casting a shadow on the gains of the past. Days when all you can manage is barely get through the day with no energy left for tasks or projects that you know can help you thrive. This can make it seem like you may not be making any progress at all. It can be helpful to recognize that every step forward is progress taking you closer towards full recovery. Shifting gears from survival mode to thriving mode is still possible and achievable as you slowly start incorporating micro changes in your daily routine and set manageable goals moving forward.   

Every step forward, no matter how minute, is a testament to the strength within and the potential for full recovery. 

Self-Love and Compassion 

For many of us, self-care can be challenging while dealing with grief and pain. This can be especially so with the sudden and drastic change in the circumstances taking an additional toll on your physical and mental health. Addressing your basic needs for nutrition, sleep, and physical activity can go a long way towards ensuring optimal health, helping you tide over this transition period with more ease.  

Self-doubt, guilt, and other challenging emotions that often come up in the wake of a loss – of a relationship, a loved one, or a job position, can make compassion feel like a hard ask. As you take the help of friends, family, and support from reliable professionals, you will be able to gradually have a grip on feelings that initially seem too overwhelming to bear. And soon enough, you shall find yourself beginning to reconnect with the wellspring of compassion that resides within you.  

Along the way, the following can serve to light up your path when the way forward can look lonely and dark 

• Music/Art. An endearing travel companion for those of us struggling to connect with the myriad of emotions that come in the wake of grief and pain 
• Journaling. Setting aside some time every day to channel those overwhelming thoughts. This has been proven to help ease the burden and bring clarity to chaos 
• Stepping out for a few minutes. Research shows us that this can work like a natural anti-depressant. A few minutes every day can slowly pave the way for more 

• Company of loved ones. Social support has been proven to be greatly beneficial in building and enhancing mental wellbeing 

Healing power of Positive emotions 

Positive emotions can seem like a far reach when you are struggling to get through the day. And the goals we set for the day can often be limited to meeting our basic needs for safety and survival. Carving out moments to experience positive emotions, as much as our tired muscles can handle, can hasten the recovery process. Practicing gratitude helps. Joining a support group can be helpful. Setting aside a few minutes every day for your favorite pastime helps. 

Positive emotional experiences tend to have a knock-on effect. Research shows that when we experience positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, contentment, interest, even for fleeting moments, this enhances our ability to focus in the present and have a sense of control or mastery over our circumstances and challenges. 

Here are the words that I would like you to hear during those moments when giving up seems far easier and getting through the day feels almost impossible: 

The worst is over and behind you. 

Yes, the path is dark and gloomy as you begin your journey. The feelings that you are struggling with can feel most intense and overwhelming.  

Darkness can feel comforting and stepping into light can be frightening. 

The blanket of sadness and despair that you are all too familiar with can feel safe because it has been your companion for so long. 

The first step can be to drink a sip of water, eat a morsel, gather enough strength to just call a helpline or a friend. 

The path will soon clear as you walk. 

And support and resources are within a hand’s reach.  

The day is not far when gloominess and despair will give way to newfound strength, resilience, and faith. 

Faith in yourself as you look back on the journey traversed. 

Yes. It’s time for New Beginnings. 

 

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