It was a peaceful Sunday, and like everyone else in the family, I was enjoying my afternoon nap. Lost in a deep sleep, I suddenly heard my mother, Maa, waking me up to make tea for everyone. It had become a daily task for me every Sunday afternoon. To avoid making the tea, I would pretend to be in such a deep slumber that I couldn't hear her calls. Being my mother, she was well aware of my tactics and would get frustrated with me. Out of anger, she would often label me as lazy. However, I disagreed with her assessment. Those afternoon naps were my way of rejuvenating after teaching or studying throughout the week. I wasn't being lazy; I saw it as a well-deserved rest. Nonetheless, being called lazy made me feel disheartened about myself. 

It wasn't until much later that I realized my brother's sleep was never disrupted to make tea. He knew how to prepare it himself. Moreover, he had more leisure time due to his job. So, why did Maa or I always have to make tea, sacrificing our rest? Why couldn't Papa or Bhaiya take up this responsibility? Why did an unwritten rule make it easier for men to relax while burdening women with additional work? 

Seeking answers to these questions, I wondered if this discrimination was limited to just my household. As I read and engaged in discussions about this issue, I discovered that society at large normalized the idea of women taking on more responsibilities than men. The biases I experienced were not confined to my home alone. According to the Ministry of Statistics and Programme Implementation report titled 'Women and Men in India 2022,' women between the ages of 15 and 29 spent nearly five hours more than men engaged in unpaid labor. The extent to which we accept and overlook this disparity as mere "labor" is alarming because this unspoken rule in my house had detrimental effects on my mental well-being and my relationships with family members. 

As a result of this discrimination,  

• I would often feel irritated.  
• I found myself judging my family harshly almost every time.  
• I struggled to find a space to voice my concerns.  
• Feeling frustrated and exhausted, I didn't feel like being there for them.  
• I began to see them more as obstacles rather than a support system.  
• I started questioning my worth within the family and in comparison to men. 

 

Of course, responses and reactions to sexism may vary from person to person. However, gender-based discrimination within the home can generally leave women feeling underconfident and inferior to men. 

Finding the best way to communicate with my family took time. I realized I needed to initiate a challenging conversation for the sake of everyone involved. I expressed to them how the discrimination made me feel and how it affected the overall atmosphere at home. I helped them understand that rest and leisure were equally important for Maa and me because: 

• Rest helps us recharge and maintain our overall well-being. 
• It enables us to manage our work and family responsibilities better. 
• Even though Maa and I aren't paid for our household chores, they are still work. 
• Resting allows us to work more effectively. 

• Resting helps us foster better relationships and love. 

 

My conversations with them sparked introspection and led to positive changes. It required mutual effort from both myself and my family. We ensured that our discussions about this sensitive topic were characterized by mutual respect, kindness, and empathy. After all, what lies beneath the surface truly matters. In this case, it was the care we had for one another as a family! 

This post represents the author’s personal views and experiences. iDare doesn’t endorse or take responsibility for the opinions expressed. 

  

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