It started small, as it always does. There are countless ways to do things wrong. But very few ways to do them right.  

 

I realized one day that it wasn't the day that was holding me back; it was me. And that the world begins from the inside of the mind.  

 

Stumbling into the virtual void of YouTube. I came across a quote from Sun Tzu.  

 

"Know thyself. Know thy enemy. A thousand battles. A thousand victories." 

 

And almost instantly realized that my biggest enemy had always been me. So I started to know myself.  

 

I started to notice the patterns. Patterns make our lives and our destiny. Patterns have created the universe and destroyed it too.  

 

Everything is a pattern.  

 

Our life's routine, thoughts, and actions are based on these inner thoughts. 

 

Everything was a pattern with me too. With my depression. With my anxiety.  

 

So I realized that I had to change this pattern to change my life.  

 

The work was cut out for me.  

 

I hated daily routines. Getting out of bed was tough, and brushing my teeth was hard. So was bathing.  

 

Everything felt like a burden. A performance and something so out of mind that I had forgotten the normalcy of these things.  

 

Because I have been doing them mindlessly.  

 

While I brushed, I was far away mentally in a painful memory. Zoning out while performing routine tasks became a habit of mine. 

 

I was never present in the present, and my mind was always in the past or daydreaming about the future. So bright it dazzled my attention span away from the present. 

 

And tasks should have been included. Deadlines jumped and extended. There were weeks, months even, where I wouldn't know what I achieved or did if asked.  

 

It's a different haze and separate from forgetting what you had for last night's meal.  

 

And so I took charge.  

 

I sat down and determined the problem.  

 

What was it? It was my attention. And where I put it? And so it shifted.  

 

I woke up and looked at the watch. I rubbed the watch on my palm. Felt it. 

 

I was up. It was morning. No matter the time, late or early. I have started the day, haven't I? 

 

And then I brushed my teeth. Slowly. Methodically. Count Koma, the Jiu-Jitsu founder, said, "Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast." 

 

So slowly. And then I splashed my face with water, and it tickled down my face, and the wetness I felt in my skin was chilled by the air.  

 

I liked it.  

 

The bath was no different. I focussed.  

 

And everything became different. No wandering mind and no negative thoughts. The task was me. And I was the task. I was the day, the hour. The minute. The moment.  

 

I listened closely. To the sounds. The scrap of the toothbrush brush on my teeth. The slosh of water and the spoon cling to my plate during breakfast.  

 

The scrapping of pen on paper when I studied. The clack of keyboard keys when I typed on my laptop.  

 

It was the sound of the task. No noise. Sound; the sounds that acted like silence.  

 

And I meditated through these sounds. And the silence of it.  

 

Morning. Afternoon. Dinner.  

 

Hour by hour, the daily routines were hard to stick to in the beginning. To remind yourself to pay attention to what you are doing may sound easy, but it takes a mental toll.  

 

I wasn't ready for that initially and was too hasty to improve, to be perfect.  

 

But self routine, healthy self routine, is climbing a mountain. This mountain, I realized, was me. I have already climbed this mountain since birth. Except now, you climb with focus and without the privileges of distraction and procrastination.  

 

It's still a long way. I stumbled a lot and fell back into older habits. But the bounce-back rate is faster and less bearing on the mind.  

 

Now it's becoming lesser and lesser challenging to keep on the path of discipline.  

 

However, the top of the mountain is still far. But who is even looking? 

 

I am looking at the ground, my feet, and what is so ahead with my peripheral vision.  

 

One step at a time. 

 

I have got this. 

 

I think. 

 

If you or somebody you know is facing a similar issue, consider reaching our Support and Engage verticals for affordable and inclusive help!   

Like our content? Please show us some support by sharing and up voting! 

Image Credits - Pexels.com