
He was my first love and the longest romantic relationship.
While I was reading Tisca Chopra's 'Cast Away' in the book 'Walking Towards Ourselves', I came across a sentence she writes about her consistent efforts towards auditioning for films. She says -
"We did so many that it did not matter anymore."
While reading the book, I knew that Tisca Chopra passionately talks about her journey to making it into films. However, the only thing I could associate so much passion with was my last relationship.
He was my first love and the longest romantic relationship.
It started with love-filled attention and care-filled conversations. Nothing seemed better than what I had with him. I still think of him and our moments. However, today when we aren't together, I think of him but don't miss him. Because I missed him enough when we were together. I was lonely while I was in the relationship.
As the relationship took some time from us, I realized it would also take more effort now. More efforts to maintain the bond we were passionate about. But things didn't go as we promised each other. One of us couldn't make the needed efforts, and nobody is to be blamed. But I tried hard. We tried hard to the extent that we failed.
Towards the end, we realized how difficult it is to maintain what we had before. But we chose denial, believing we could work harder and give ourselves what we want. But we didn't realise that in the process of getting what we wanted, we were losing what we had.
We couldn't stand each other's ranting anymore. We couldn't support each other anymore because we were so busy working on ourselves, bettering ourselves to fill in the other person's absence. We didn't realize we were trying so hard that we were failing. Both in love. And in ourselves.
I write this piece as a reminder for you,
Don't try saving a relationship so hard that you fail.
Que sera, sera
Whatever Will Be, Will Be...
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