The Unspoken Reality of Sibling Abuse

We live and grow up in a culture where abuse from siblings—or even from known people—is not viewed with the seriousness it deserves. Families and societal norms expect us to love our siblings unconditionally, overlook their harmful behavior, and stay loyal no matter the cost. These expectations silence those suffering, making it incredibly hard to open up. Even when they do, the support systems they trust often shut them down rather than help them speak out.

Sibling Abuse as a Social Issue

Sibling abuse is not just a family matter—it’s a social issue deeply influenced by factors like age, gender, and sexual identity. Often, cis-gendered older brothers exert dominance over younger sisters or non-conforming brothers. But abuse isn’t restricted to one pattern—older sisters can be abusive, and younger siblings can also inflict harm on older ones.

To understand this fully, we must examine the influence of family systems, parenting styles, and community norms. People don’t grow in isolation; their actions are shaped by the environment they are part of. While we may claim not to care what others think, these cultural forces subtly (and not-so-subtly) shape our beliefs and behaviors.

Sibling abuse remains a deeply under-recognized and under-addressed issue, both in India and across the world.

The Middle Child’s Vulnerability

In many families, the eldest and youngest children receive more attention, love, or importance. The middle child, meanwhile, often slips through the cracks—emotionally neglected, overlooked, and left to fend for themselves.

In dysfunctional or abusive family environments, this neglect can heighten vulnerability and resentment. Unaddressed anger between siblings can manifest as violence, control, or emotional manipulation, feeding into a toxic cycle that parents often ignore or dismiss.

The Role of Parents and Lack of Healthy Coping

Many parents are ill-equipped to address sibling abuse. Lack of parenting education, poor communication, and cultural conditioning lead them to normalize or enable abusive behavior. They may:

Minimize the abuse by calling it "sibling rivalry"
Blame the victim for overreacting
Leave children to resolve things on their own

When children are left unsupported, they often turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, reinforcing the trauma rather than healing from it.

Time Is Not Always the Best Healer

The belief that “time heals all wounds” doesn’t hold true for everyone—especially not in cases of sibling abuse. Many parents or elders say, “They’re kids. They’ll grow out of it.” But abuse is not a phase—it’s a pattern that requires active intervention.

Healing doesn’t happen just with age. It happens when the right resources, support, and intentional effort are available. Without these, the wounds deepen, and the relationships worsen.

Patriarchy’s Role in Perpetuating Abuse

Patriarchy deeply influences sibling dynamics. In cultures where cis-gendered men are given higher status, boys are often raised with entitlement, power, and control. This dynamic plays out in harmful ways:

Brothers may feel justified in dominating their sisters
Younger brothers may be forced to submit to older ones
Sisters are expected to forgive, stay silent, and "respect" their abusive brothers

Religious and cultural narratives further reinforce these roles. Hindu mythology often sets ideals like Ram and Laxman, where the younger brother is expected to serve the older. Meanwhile, female figures like Shanta, who challenge or exist outside these norms, are largely erased.

A Call for Collective Accountability

Addressing sibling abuse isn’t just about asking siblings to “get along.” It requires deep unlearning, intentional parenting, and systemic change:

Parents must recognize and intervene in unhealthy dynamics
Families need to learn healthy communication and coping mechanisms
Communities must challenge regressive gender and cultural norms
Mental health support must be made accessible and destigmatized

This post represents the author’s personal views and experiences. iDare doesn’t endorse or take responsibility for the views expressed.

Need Support?

If you or someone you know is experiencing sibling abuse, reach out to our experts on the ‘Engage’ vertical or speak with a trained listener on our ‘Support’ vertical.

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