Therapy Techniques: Understanding Guilt and Setting Healthy Boundaries

As we learn more about mental health and well-being, it becomes important to be aware of certain tools and techniques that can be used in our daily lives to take care of oneself. Since mental health includes our emotional, behavioral, social, and cognitive well-being, it affects how we think, feel, and act. While making healthy choices is often emphasized, it is helpful to know what practical steps can truly benefit our well-being. Although therapy is a professional space conducted by trained persons, knowing a few basic techniques we can apply in daily life can surely be helpful. iDare aims to create awareness on this. 

Guilt: Good or Bad?

I cannot count the number of times people have shared their struggles with guilt and how they are unable to let it go. I myself have experienced guilt for years even when I wasn’t at fault or could do nothing about the situation. Guilt can arise for many reasons—but are all types of guilt bad? Is guilt an emotion we should avoid?

The answer lies in understanding guilt’s nature. Sometimes guilt serves as a signal to reflect on specific situations or people and can motivate us to repair mistakes. So, when does guilt become problematic? It becomes harmful when we feel unable to let go of the need to control situations or people or when we assume responsibility for things beyond our control.

This kind of guilt stops motivating positive change and can generalize into a negative self-identity. Instead of regretting a specific behavior, we may end up feeling bad about ourselves as a whole.

One common challenge I observe is that people holding onto guilt often struggle with establishing or maintaining healthy boundaries.

Establishing Boundaries

Most of us aren’t taught how or when to set healthy boundaries—and many worry that doing so makes us selfish. I’ve met many who constantly seek reassurance that wanting boundaries doesn’t make them “bad people.” This stems largely from societal conditioning to always be agreeable and amiable, regardless of the cost.

When boundaries are unclear, guilt often arises. For example, we might feel guilty when expressing our needs or when we say no to others. Healthy boundaries involve clearly communicating our expectations and defining acceptable behaviors—both for ourselves and others.

Some practical ways to establish boundaries include:

Sharing personal information appropriately (not too much, not too little)
Understanding and communicating your personal needs and wants
Valuing your own opinions
Accepting when others say “no” and saying “no” when needed
Prioritizing your time and respecting others’ time
Avoiding overcommitment
Not trying to change people or solve their problems
Not sacrificing your mental health to be there for others
Respecting personal space and expecting others to do the same
Disagreeing kindly when you hold different views

Setting a boundary doesn’t require justification or explanation. However, it’s important to establish boundaries respectfully and compassionately. The goal is to meet others with empathy while staying true to yourself. And remember, setting healthy boundaries does not make you selfish.

Please remember, these techniques are not substitutes for professional therapy. If someone is struggling with their mental health and it impacts daily life, consulting a trained professional is essential.

If you or someone you know needs help understanding therapy techniques or is stressed with mental health issues, consider reaching out to our ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive help! 

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