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Blog /Navigating Conflicts and Conversations with Parents

Fri Oct 25 2024|iDare Team


Navigating Conflicts and Conversations with Parents: A Personal Reflection

When I was growing up, I remember having so many questions about a lot of things—both outside and within myself. I often looked for answers, but my parents had different ways of seeing things, and many of their views didn’t make sense to me. I asked deep questions—about relationships, rules at home, certain behaviors, how the world worked, and why it seemed so cruel and unfair at times. I even questioned the ingrained sexist ideologies my parents held, which felt unsettling. Yet, I wondered if maybe they were right—after all, they were adults and my parents.

For a long time, I internalized many of their views. Though my home wasn’t one where people were hit or raised voices at each other, movies and people around me portrayed hitting a loved one as romantic and caring. I don’t hold those thoughts now, but I often wondered why my parents never corrected me. Were they unaware? Or did they have a passive attitude? I distinctly remember a painful moment when my dad’s older brother hit his wife. My dad told his sister-in-law to leave him and assured her of family support, which made me happy then. But I often wonder why no one ever confronted or set boundaries with my dad’s brother for his abusive behavior. Even now, he’s still treated well in the family.

Understanding Complexity and Finding My Voice

I’m now old enough to understand that people are complex, with many layers. While some behaviors are unacceptable, we cannot judge a person entirely by one action. Over time, I started openly expressing my views with my parents. I’ve been lucky to have parents who listen, even if they sometimes disagree or don’t fully understand me. But this openness is a recent change. Growing up, I rarely expressed myself freely with them.

I often draw parallels with a friend from a more rigid family who shares her views only with friends and agrees with her family to keep peace or because she believes they won’t understand. After working with clients on similar issues, I realize everyone has opinions, but it’s vital to voice them and stand firm to earn respect—especially in parent-child relationships. This piece is for children who, like me, have had their share of disagreements with parents and don’t always know how to navigate them.

The Importance of Self-Awareness and Healthy Communication

In my work, communication is key. Everyone’s thoughts, values, and beliefs differ widely, so understanding ourselves is the first step toward meaningful dialogue. I used to rebel at home without really understanding why or what I stood for. Over time, I began to explore my opinions—where they came from, whether they were morally and factually sound, and if they resonated with me. I also learned to leave room for change and reconsideration, because none of us is right all the time.

So how do we deal with conflict at home?

Once I knew myself better, I started expressing my beliefs to my parents. It wasn’t easy—South-Asian cultures emphasize respect and obedience to elders, and that conditioning runs deep. But being expressive doesn’t have to mean being disrespectful. At first, I had many arguments, fights, and silent treatments. Slowly, I learned how to communicate healthily because communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about how you talk. Yelling isn’t communication.

Now, when I disagree, I start with curiosity. I ask why my parents think a certain way—did they learn it from experience, someone else, or just follow blindly? This lets them explain and feel heard. Often, I gain deeper understanding. Even if I don’t agree fully, I can make peace with their views. Then, I share my perspective and its origins. They may not always understand, but it gives them space to accept my point of view too.

Setting Boundaries and Standing Firm

Sometimes beliefs are sexist or extremely conservative but don’t seem that way to our parents. In those cases, I clearly state where I differ and put boundaries in place about what I won’t accept or be part of. This may cause conflicts, but conflicts aren’t the problem—forcing views and demanding blind obedience is.

If you or someone you know is going through something difficult and needs support, consider reaching out to our ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive help!


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