Moye Moye, Marriage, and Misogyny: When a Joke Isn’t Just a Joke
Thanks to the recent ‘Moye Moye’ IG trend, I came across a reel of an Indian wedding ceremony, called ‘varmala.’ It was a beautiful moment for the couple—until their friends decided to make the video go viral. They screamed in chorus, “Moye, Moye!” The groom looked slightly embarrassed, but the bride? Visibly upset.
More than the video, the comments prompted me to write this article.
Some people said the bride should learn to “take a joke.” Others debated that the friends ruined the bride’s big moment just to chase a viral reel.
While it may have been meant as a joke, it wasn’t just a joke.
The “Trapped Husband” Trope
Making fun of the groom for “losing his freedom” is a common thread in weddings. It seems harmless. But scratch the surface, and you’ll see it’s built on a deeply flawed narrative—a patriarchal one.
Isn’t it ironic that in most Indian marriages, the woman leaves her home, changes her surname, adjusts her entire life… and yet, the man is the one joked about for “losing freedom”?
This narrative minimizes the immense transitions women face while romanticizing the idea that men are making some grand sacrifice. It silences gender imbalance and upholds the myth of the “trapped husband,” all while conveniently ignoring the woman’s quiet surrender.
Unpacking Hidden Patriarchy
Behind the glitter of Indian weddings lies a baggage of rituals and jokes shaped by patriarchal thinking.
Gendered Wedding Rituals
Take the Bengali tradition where the groom jokingly promises his mother a “maid” before marriage. Or the “Kashi Yatra” from Kannada and Tamil Brahmin weddings, where the groom “runs away” to escape marriage, only to be talked back into it by the bride’s father.
These customs, wrapped in humor, suggest that marriage is a burden for men—while for women, it’s a duty or destiny.
Then there’s the Assamese tradition of brides touching the groom’s feet. Or “Kanyadan”—a ritual where the bride’s father “gives her away” like property. The very word daan (donation) is loud with objectification.
Why Do These Jokes Persist?
So why is the groom’s “freedom” always the punchline?
Because society still sees men as powerful decision-makers sacrificing something by marrying. Meanwhile, women’s sacrifices—career compromises, household pressures, name and identity changes—are seen as default expectations.
These jokes are also a way to laugh off fear and uncertainty. It’s easier to joke about losing control than to openly discuss the life-changing responsibilities marriage brings—for both partners.
Can Traditions Evolve?
Thankfully, some couples are rewriting the script.
Small Shifts, Big Impact
They’re choosing gender-neutral rituals, allowing women priests to officiate, and reshaping Kanyadan into something symbolic of equal partnership, not submission. These changes are not anti-tradition—they are reformed traditions rooted in today’s values.
We don’t have to cancel everything to create change. Just question it. Talk about it.
Remember “Sati”? That too was an “age-old tradition.” When people questioned it, it disappeared. Wedding customs can evolve too.
Inspiration from the Northeast
Look at matrilineal communities in the Northeast. Here, husbands move in with their wives’ families. Women carry forward the family name and property. These examples show us that different models of marriage are not only possible—they already exist.
Happily Ever After, Redefined
Let’s create wedding ceremonies that are rooted in authenticity, equality, and mutual respect. Jokes should come from joy—not from tired stereotypes or outdated norms.
Every time we challenge one small part of tradition that doesn’t sit right, we create space for more inclusive, balanced weddings.
Your wedding, your rules. You don’t need to wage a war to reject a ritual. A small conversation with your partner, a moment of introspection, a nudge toward fairness—that’s where change begins.
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