Speaking Out as a Survivor: A Guide to Supporting Children Facing Sexual Abuse

I write this as a survivor of child sexual abuse. Among the ten women I know well, three of us—including myself and two colleagues—are survivors. The others may not have disclosed, or they may not be survivors. This silence highlights a painful reality: many survivors remain unheard.

A shared experience among us has been the lack of adults who knew how to respond effectively when abuse happened. This gap is why I’m compelled to write—to raise awareness and promote change, to help make our communities safer and more child-friendly.

If You Know a Child Facing Sexual Abuse, Here’s How You Can Help

Understand That Sexual Abuse Is About Power, Not Desire

Sexual abuse is fundamentally about control and power. It’s not about lust or mental illness as commonly misunderstood. Children are among the most vulnerable members of society, physically weaker and mentally trusting.

Take Immediate Action to Protect the Child

Distance the child from the abuser—move them to a safe and comfortable place. Always prioritize both the child’s and your own safety. If you don’t have a safe space, seek help from trusted friends, family, or organizations like iDare, who can guide you to safe zones.

Professionals such as teachers, tutors, and counselors can also provide crucial support.

Confronting the Abuser

Only confront the abuser if you can do so safely. Your safety is paramount. Cutting ties with the abuser is also a valid form of confrontation. Consider seeking expert or organizational assistance for this step.

Provide Medical Care

Medical attention is critical, especially in cases of rape, as examinations can preserve vital evidence. If you suspect sexual assault:

• Preserve all physical evidence on the child’s body.

• Avoid bathing, cleaning, or changing the child’s clothes (if necessary, collect the clothes in brown paper, not plastic).

• If the child needs to urinate, collect the sample in a clean container for forensic testing.

Even if the abuse was not sexual, medical care may still be necessary for any injuries. Approach this sensitively, as the child may be scared or anxious.

Comfort and Support the Child

The child’s emotional safety is the priority. Avoid pressing them for details about the abuse—they may not be ready or able to share. Instead, focus on making them feel safe and supported.

Do not use toys, treats, or rewards to coax them to talk—it may mimic manipulative tactics used by the abuser and damage trust.

If you feel unable to comfort the child, seek help from trusted individuals who can.

Observe Non-Verbal Cues

Some children may communicate their trauma through drawings, writing, or behaviors like talking to themselves. Be attentive to these signs and remain supportive.

Build Trust and Avoid Blame

Listen carefully, believe the child, and thank them if they do open up. Never blame or doubt them—children rarely lie about abuse. Your reaction profoundly impacts their healing.

Respect Their Needs and Boundaries

The child might want space or time away from you. This is not a rejection but a response to trauma. Respect their wishes and encourage connections with others they trust.

Control Your Emotions

It’s natural to feel anger, but avoid expressing it around the child. They need calm, loving support above all.

Be Available

Children might need you unexpectedly or want to revisit their story multiple times. Be patient and present, balancing this with your own self-care. Ask for help with daily tasks and rest nearby when possible, so the child feels your presence.

Take Legal Steps When Ready

Reporting abuse is powerful but can be daunting. You can file a complaint at the nearest police station and request assistance from the Child Welfare Officer. You don’t need to be related to the child but will need accurate information.

Call the national child helpline 1098 to report abuse confidentially. Provide as much information as you can:

• Child’s name (if known)

• Approximate age

• Description

• Location with landmarks

The helpline will connect you with local social welfare and child protection agencies to take action.

Remember These Important Points

• Professional help is essential. The child may need mental health support, and you may need legal advice.

• In many cases, the child’s parents or guardians decide on next steps, but the child’s consent and comfort must always be respected.

For further guidance, you can book a session with our in-house Legal Advisor and Counselor, B. Mohona.

If you or someone you know is currently facing distress related to child sexual abuse, please reach out to iDare’s Support and Engage teams for affordable, inclusive psycho-legal help.

This post reflects the author’s personal experiences and views. iDare does not endorse or take responsibility for the opinions expressed.

Image Credits: Pexels.com