Aarti’s Story: When Love Turns Controlling

In the vibrant heart of Bangalore, Aarti found what she thought was love in the heart and mind of Rohan, a charming IT consultant. The romance that sparked over steaming cups of chai during the rainy season seemed to be nothing short of destined.

Months of joy, laughter, late-night chais, endless phone calls, meeting friends and family, quiet glances across crowded rooms.

Until It Wasn’t

Fourteen months later, Aarti wept into the arms of her best friend Kamakshi, recalling instances of pain and abuse.

"Kamakshi, Rohan always had an opinion on my clothes," Aarti recalled, her voice a mix of nostalgia and realization.
“It began with, 'You should wear what you feel beautiful in,' but soon it was only about what he found beautiful."

This subtle shift marked the beginning of a deeper pattern—a web of coercive control.

The Silent Descent

Rohan’s “concern” soon spilled into other areas of Aarti’s life.
He insisted on having access to her social media passwords—for her “safety,” he said.

At first, Aarti brushed it off.
But the truth slowly came to light.

"He'd say things like, 'Why do you need to go out with friends when you have me?'" Aarti shared.

This wasn’t affection. It was isolation, a key sign of coercive control, designed to increase dependency and cut off support systems.

Seeing the Pattern

A heart-to-heart with her old school friend Priya became a turning point.
Priya, who worked with a women’s rights NGO, introduced Aarti to the concept of coercive control.

“Coercive control is often cloaked in the guise of love and concern, making it hard to recognize—but equally destructive,” Priya explained.

Suddenly, Aarti began to see the pattern:

The financial restrictions
The emotional blackmail
The mockery of her professional success
The constant chipping away at her independence

“It wasn’t about concern. It was about control,” she realized.

Reclaiming Her Power

With this new understanding, Aarti decided to take back her life.
She started setting firm boundaries, began therapy, and reconnected with family and friends she had been distanced from.

"Each step felt like breaking free from chains I didn’t know I was in," she said.

In workshops, she learned skills in emotional regulation and how to assert her rights and boundaries.

Sharing the Light

At the final session of one such workshop, Aarti spoke:

“Recognizing coercive control was like turning on a light in a room that had been dark for too long. It’s not just about fighting back; it’s about understanding that you deserve to make decisions for your life.”

Today, Aarti's story stands as a powerful reminder of resilience and the importance of awareness.

"It starts with understanding," Aarti advises.
"From there, it's about building a life where respect—not control—is the foundation of love."

A Message for Others

Aarti’s journey is a call to all who might find themselves in similar shadows.

"You're not alone," she emphasizes.
"And it’s okay to seek help. There's strength in reclaiming your story and in choosing a life defined by your terms."

This narrative, inspired by a friend of iDare and many real-life experiences, underscores the urgent need for awareness, dialogue, and access to help when navigating relationships clouded by coercive control.

If you or someone you know needs help to recognize, cope with, or stand up against abuse, please consider reaching out to our ‘Support’ and ‘Engage’ verticals for affordable and inclusive assistance.

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Image Credit: Pian Schneider on Unsplash