I’m honestly no expert. For a millennial, this term feels new, and the understanding behind it is greatly lacking. But I am genuinely curious, what are open relationships?

This article isn't me giving you gyan, of course, it's mostly me trying to understand multiple facets that might go into it. An invitation for you? - Come along and see what makes sense to you, and if you have better insights than I, you can always share them and put me out of my misery here.

 

It's not only about intimacy.

When I started reading about this and talking to people around me, many of the opinions I heard were very surface-level, and I started to wonder whether, when people choose open relationships, they’re only thinking about intimacy. But the more I read, the more I realised intimacy is a very small part of this. 

 

This may have something to do with questioning the structure and the rules. 

 

I commonly see content on Instagram about how Gen Z employees are so direct at work that they do not always adhere to the norms generations before them have followed. They speak clearly, and they are not hesitant to ask for what they want. And this is not the structure established in workplaces before now. 

 

I’m wondering if the same applies to relationships and marriages. If newer generations are looking at what suits them, what access they have to resources, and what their non-negotiables are, and since there is no one-size-fits-all, is it possible that they may have made their own rules?

 

Pretty badass if you ask me! 

 

I love smashing old norms and customs that do not serve us in this age, but that again does not mean open relationships suit everyone, either. Most generations before Gen Z did not grow up seeing this, and they may not be very quick to understand or try it out for themselves. 

 

But we are not questioning monogamy here alone. It is also the traditional models of relationships & marriage, gender roles and patriarchal norms. And while we are open to questioning patriarchal practices and gender roles, why are we not as keen to question how monogamy has been sold to us?

 

Here, non-monogamy does not feel like just a personal preference, but like a response to cultural, emotional and systemic conditions.

 

Why Now?

 

Well, for those who know me, they won't be surprised when I say it could be a by-product of late-stage capitalism. 

 

Trust me, I can insert capitalism in any conversation. But in my defence, it does affect every area of our lives. 

 

Burnout is at an all-time high. People have no space to live; they are too busy surviving. Jobs, bills, loans, home, car, vacations, we have too much on our plates, and add to this a relationship. We all know relationships as places where we can let go and be ourselves, but they also take effort and work. It is another area of our lives that takes up a significant amount of time, effort, money and energy. 

 

Add to this the current culture. A lot of our previous generations grew up with grandparents, joint families, many cousins, and an entire community full of people to hold them, support them, love them, and care for them. (There was also the intergenerational trauma, but this is not the article for it, you guys)

 

While the new age change has brought more autonomy and space to explore and be ourselves, everything comes at a cost. It has severely weakened our support systems. It has forced us to be hyper-independent, and when this happens, we may unconsciously impose all of our needs on one relationship or person. 

 

Romantic relationships, just like any other relationship, cannot meet a 100% of our needs. And when some needs are left unmet, we may choose to look beyond the relationship. 

 

And the dating apps don't help, ugh! Too many options, always someone out there, no age or location bars. Finding people has become that much easier. 

 

When we ask one relationship to do everything, people either burn out or they re-negotiate the rules.

 

To understand this further, it might help to look at what is happening within us as much as what is happening around us. After all, our internal and external worlds are intertwined, and one influences the other in more ways than one.

Conversations around intimacy and burnout are all too normal for people to experience and speak up about of late. We are happy to provide you with the space to do just that. 

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