Here’s a question- what do you do if and when you feel? Do you allow yourself to experience your emotions? Or do you save them for a later day? Well, most of us would agree with the latter- we tend to consciously avoid being in touch with our emotions since paying attention to the  emotions would mean addressing the matter at hand, which is causing these emotions in the first place.  

 

Luckily, our defence mechanisms help us navigate the anxiety quite effectively. Denial comes first. “There is nothing to worry about” is what we tell ourselves. And if that doesn't help, we start harnessing an aggressive persona. Being angry at something or someone- usually someone we consider inferior to us provides us with relief, and a sense of hold (false hold but hold nonetheless) over the situation. Anger then becomes instrumental in taking control over others.  

 

Sounds familiar? If it does, you are not alone. More often than not, this becomes the typical trajectory of a male in our neo-liberal society. Being vulnerable is considered weak. And being weak will not help you realise your ambitions in life. Being weak is thought to hamper our competitiveness. Nobody would want that. Naturally, men tend to fall back on the ‘angry young man’ trope, glorified by our patriarchal standards. 

 

What may appear to be instrumental is detrimental in the long run. The core conflict that started this saga has yet to be addressed. Over time, life provides us with ample experiences and challenges to deal with. Such coping is barely helpful then. Frustration, lower levels of life satisfaction, and conflicts in personal relationships start to take hold. Yet many of us continue to live our lives, refusing to accept help. 

 

You may wonder why people (more importantly, men) refuse to seek help. Well, not surprisingly, gender plays a key role in help seeking behaviour. Numerous studies have indicated that one of the factors determining when people decide to seek help is their gender. Of course, while other factors such as access to healthcare and socio-economic status do play a role, gender adds on to these factors. For example, one study by Koopman and Lamers (2007) reported that both males and females conform to their gender norms. Females reported more bodily symptoms than males (in their study). Benyamini et al. (2000) reported that when men were asked to report their symptoms, they tended to report only life-threatening ones. 

 

Our thoughts and opinions do not arise in isolation- they are dynamic and influenced by what we learn through our culture. And when popular culture promotes stoic masculinity, the prospect of seeking help really seems like a tremendous task. There is, thankfully, a silver lining. Culture is also dynamic. It can change. It has changed in the past. Look around you, and you will find many women and others from marginalised backgrounds. This was not the case a few decades ago, when workplaces were mostly filled with men from privilege.  

 

The change, however, stems from within. For starters, we can be more accepting of ourselves. Only when we are can we be more empathic for others who may be facing similar conflicts in life. Providing others with support, a less transactional relationship, and a non-threatening space would foster better relationships and promote growth and well-being. Speaking up about ourselves takes a lot of courage, and that courage must be appreciated, not reprimanded.

 

Genuine relationships are themselves therapeutic in nature. They provide us with the safe environment required to look within ourselves.  To quote the great psychoanalyst Carl Jung, “Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” 

The journey from “angry young man” to an emotionally aware man is not a sign of weakness it is the ultimate act of courage. When we stop running from our feelings and start facing them, we unlock deeper relationships, greater life satisfaction, and the freedom to become the men we truly want to be.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

 

At iDare, we offer a safe, non-judgmental space where men can explore their emotions, break free from outdated scripts, and build healthier lives without shame or pressure. Whether you’re struggling with suppressed anger, relationship conflicts, or simply want to feel more in control of your inner world, our expert counsellors are here to walk beside you.

Take the first step today. Book a confidential session with iDare and give yourself the permission to feel, heal, and grow. Your future self and everyone who loves you will thank you for it.

Visit www.idare.in or call/WhatsApp us now to schedule your session.

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