Thank you for the privilege of your time.

As a therapist, I often witness my clients’ struggles to come to terms with the many layers of their lives. 

For many, this involves facing the reality of what they experience with family, with relatives, with their spouses, and within families they become part of after marriage. 

For some, it means unpacking the burdens they carry from a tormented past memories, though fragmented, of hurt and pain sustained from so-called loved ones. 

How does one make sense of experiences where loved ones hurt? 

Let’s explore. 

Home the Supposed Haven:

What if my experience at home doesn’t conform to popular views? 

Some of us sustain blows physically from those we call family. 

Some of us carry wounds that aren’t visible on the outside wounds inflicted by hurtful taunts, emotional abuse, and derogatory remarks. 

Often, these acts are justified as being “for our own good” or “done out of love.” This leaves us battling internally to define what reality truly is. 

Am I overthinking this? 
Am I too sensitive, as others claim? 

Here are a few factors that make this confusion harder: 

• Popular beliefs about what “family” should be 

• Expectations ingrained since childhood 

• Lack of access to safe resources or outside help 

Fences can turn into prison bars. 

Here are steps to consider as we grapple with the confusion within: 

• Can I start by listening to myself? 

• Can I start by listening to myself without judgement & attaching labels such as ungrateful, selfish? 

• What would I recommend/wish for someone I care about if they were in my situation? 
  
  

When Words and Actions Hurt 

When words hurt: instead of guiding and nurturing, they are used to control and manipulate until one gives up and surrenders to demands. 

When actions hurt: choices are made on your behalf, your individuality denied, your needs ignored. 

When physical violence occurs: survivors describe being punished simply for speaking their minds. 

These experiences don’t end when the violence stops they echo within, shaping how we see ourselves and the world. 

The Impact on Us 

As a mental health professional, I’ve seen how emotional abuse by parents and loved ones can fracture one’s sense of self and relationships. 

Who am I? 

- This often becomes fragmented and fractured 

-For many, there was never space to explore who they are or who they could become.  

-Thriving feels like a distant dream when survival itself is at stake; dreams are crushed and compromised. 

Voices Within 

-Even when we dare to step into the world, the voices inside our own and those we have internalized — question every move. 

-We may feel powerless to cope with both inner and outer challenges. 

-We retreat to what’s familiar even when it’s unhealthy because familiarity feels safer than uncertainty. Trust hurts 

-How do I trust others when my own have hurt me? 
-How do I begin again when every effort feels futile? 

Awareness shows where Healing can begin 

Here are a few questions that can help us gently reflect on how our experiences may have shaped us:  

• How much of who I am is shaped by judgements I received from others? 

• What words would I use to describe myself? 

• When making choices and decisions, who do I priotize and factor in? 

Onward 

There is a spark within you that brought you here. 

That spark refuses to die despite countless setbacks. It is the quiet voice of hope — the part of you that believes in your potential and future. 

Where Do We Begin? 

Let’s begin: by listening to ourselves 
Listen without judgment or self-criticism. Allow your story to be heard. Some of us may need the support of a therapist or counsellor a safe, professional space to make sense of our experiences. 

Let’s begin: by rallying support 
Healing from parental abuse and toxic family dynamics often needs compassionate connection. Build a support system that helps you take small, steady steps toward safety and change. We have an ecosystem of resources at iDare that can help you with this. 

Let’s begin: by rebuilding together 
Where possible, collective healing through family or couple therapy can help families unlearn old patterns and rediscover healthier ways to connect. 

These spaces are available, accessible, and affordable. 

 

Let me conclude... 

Healing from abuse and hurt from family, from loved ones, is not about erasing the past  

It’s about tending to parts of you that seek your attention, for healing, for recovery 

It’s about reclaiming your basic right to live, building your sense of safety, accessing your right to peace, and the future. 

What is broken can be rebuilt. Anew. Your terms. 

Healing begins with awareness, thrives through every act of self-kindness, and practice of courage.  

You are not alone on this journey. 

Cheers, mate. 

 

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