Navigating Holiday Triggers and Emotional Overload

It’s that time of the year again.

The holidays - when everything is supposed to feel magical, cosy, and full of joy. But let’s be honest: sometimes, they can feel more like a minefield of expectations, tension, and emotional overwhelm. And when family dynamics are added into the mix, it can get... complicated.

The truth is, holiday triggers are real, and they’re often rooted in the unspoken expectations and unresolved tensions we carry with us. You're not alone if the thought of another family gathering makes your chest tighten.

Let’s talk about it.

Why Do Holidays Feel So Overwhelming?

For many, the holidays bring up a mix of emotions - joy, nostalgia, stress, and even grief. But family expectations can add another layer of pressure. From being asked about your career or relationship status to navigating old sibling rivalries or the weight of cultural traditions, the holidays often ask more of us than we’re ready to give.

Here are some reasons the holidays can feel emotionally heavy:

The weight of expectations
From ‘Why aren’t you married yet?’ to ‘You should visit more often,’ family gatherings can feel like a minefield of expectations, both spoken and unspoken. These comments often come from a place of love, but they can leave us feeling judged or unseen.

Old family dynamics
Ever notice how you revert to your childhood role when you’re with your family? Maybe you become the peacemaker, the rebel, or the invisible one. Old dynamics have a way of resurfacing during the holidays, no matter how much you’ve grown.

Grief and loss
The holidays can highlight who or what is missing - the absence of a loved one or the loss of a family member. Grief has a way of amplifying the bittersweetness of the season.

Overcommitment and burnout
Between work, gift shopping, cooking, and attending endless gatherings, it’s easy to feel stretched too thin. And let’s not forget the pressure to be cheerful and “on” all the time.

Understanding your triggers can help you prepare for them. Here are some common ones:

From career choices to parenting styles, family members love to weigh in with unsolicited advice

Whether it’s about your job, relationship, or life choices, being compared to siblings or cousins can sting.

The financial expectation to give gifts, host dinners, or travel can be overwhelming.

Trying to make everything “perfect” often leads to burnout.

Feeling obligated to say “yes” to every event or conversation, even when it drains you.

How to Manage Family Expectations

With a little preparation, you can navigate family dynamics and protect yourself.

Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are absolutely necessary to get through the holidays. Decide what you’re okay with and what you’re not. For example:

‘I’m happy to join dinner, but I’ll need to leave by 8 PM.’

‘I’d prefer not to discuss my relationship status this year.’

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you love your family any less. It just means you’re protecting your emotional well-being.

Practice the Art of Saying No

You don’t have to attend every gathering or say yes to every request. A polite but firm “I can’t make it this time” is enough. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence.

Manage Expectations - Yours and Theirs

You’re not responsible for meeting everyone’s expectations. Similarly, try to let go of the idea that the holidays have to look a certain way. The less you cling to perfection, the more you can enjoy the moments that matter.

Have an Exit Strategy

If things get overwhelming, it’s okay to step away. Go for a walk, take a deep breath, or even leave the gathering early. Your mental health comes first.

Communicate Proactively

If there are specific topics or behaviours that make you uncomfortable, consider addressing them ahead of time.

Coping with Emotional Overload

Even with the best plans, the holidays can still get overwhelming. Here’s how to cope:

You don’t have to be “on” all the time. Step away for a moment of quiet when you need it. Even five minutes can make a difference.

If things feel heavy, reach out to someone you trust. Whether it’s a friend, partner, or therapist, having someone to talk to can ease the load.

You can’t change how others behave, but you can control how you respond. Choose what you want to engage with and what you’d rather let go of.

Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, try to find small moments of joy or gratitude.

If old traditions trigger more pain than joy, start your own. Whether it’s watching your favourite movie, taking a solo trip, or hosting a low-key dinner with friends, create traditions that feel meaningful to you.

The holidays don’t have to be perfect. They don’t have to look like the movies or Instagram posts. And they don’t have to drain you emotionally. It’s okay to set boundaries, to prioritize your mental health, and to let go of traditions that no longer serve you.

You’re allowed to show up as you are - no explanations, no justifications.

If the holidays feel heavy, know that you’re not alone. The iDare app’s Support vertical is here for you, offering tools, resources, and a community to help you navigate this season with compassion - for yourself and others. Let’s make space for joy, even amidst the chaos.

Image Credits: UnSplash